Madeleine's Birthday Story

Due Date: Sunday, October 17th, 2010

Pain Management Method: HypnoBirthing

Monday, October 18th

12:38 am: Wakeup hungry, head to the kitchen to get a bowl of Cheerios cereal and eat them in bed. As I finish I notice discomfort/pain similar to a contraction. I sit still and think “I am having a contraction.” I put my cereal away, use the restroom, come back to bed and am almost giddy - “I’m having a contraction!” and even have a few chills. I then notice that although I have just begun feeling them they are really close apart - 2/3 minutes.

I poke at Joseph and say, “Hey, I’m having contractions. I’m in labor”

Joseph responds, “Am what?” half asleep still

Me: “I think we should go to the hospital.”

Joseph: “Now? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes they’re really close.”

Joseph remains growling in bed. I begin packing my bag but stop to focus on my contractions. Joseph wakes up, gets dressed and finishes packing. I remain calm and relaxed doing my breathing exercises during each contraction. Joseph gives me a blessing. We wake up grandma and head to the car.

1:45 We drive to the hospital - I have to tell Joseph to slow down over the speed bumps.

2:00ish we check-in and go to Triage. They check me and I am “at about a 5 or 6” cm dilated so they will admit me. The nurse comments how well I am managing my contractions and lets me take a break to manage them in between paperwork.

3:00 We get set up in our room. They tell me that I can have intermittent fetal monitoring - 5 mins on, 30 mins off because my first baby was healthy. Since I had been monitored in triage they said I could start my 30 mins off monitors and that they would be back in 30 mins to check in on me.

3:15ish - “Joseph I need to use the restroom.” We walk over to the restroom and sit on the pot. Catherine says: “Oh gosh, Joseph!!”. Up to this point she hadn’t made a sound, not even a groan. She does this about another 2 times and says: “The baby’s coming!!” I look down in between her legs and, sure enough, our daughter’s head has popped out and is hanging out of her.

3:30ish- I run out of the restroom to get a nurse (never-mind that there’s a cord I can pull in the restroom). I go into the hall and don’t see anyone and I yell out: “I need help, the baby’s coming!!” I saw one nurse down the hall in another room try and get around stuff to get to us and so I went back to the restroom. I find Catherine standing in a pool of blood holding our daughter in her hands. She seemed to be in shock and so I take the baby. I was so excited and happy to see her.

3:35ish- about five nurses run into our room. One nurse takes Madeleine from me and asked: “Is she breathing? Is everything okay?” Part of me is thinking: “Yeah, everything is great:)” the other part of me is saying: “Wait, you’re the one who’s suppose to let me know if my daughter is breathing and is okay.” Anyway, I get to cut the umbilical cord and the nurses whisk away the baby to get her wrapped up and warm. Meanwhile, Catherine is put in a wheelchair and taken to her bed. The doctor cleans her up, no problems- a couple of minor tears, that’s it.

3:45- The nurse is filling out paperwork and asks with a giggle in her voice: “Hey doc, what’s the time of birth?” Everyone in the room gives their guess and we finally agree, “3:37.”

This was a great experience:) With the exception of the saying, “oh my gosh the baby’s coming,” Catherine didn’t say one word or make a sound during labor. I’ve thought of my wife as a superwoman lately, but after this experience, she has claimed a spot with the likes of Dilene Seaman and Julie Beck. She is remarkable in so many ways that it has left the words of a friend resounding in my ears. When I met Catherine, I confided to this friend that I would marry her someday. He responded, “she’s out of your league!”

Well, that’s the crazy story of Madeleine’s arrival. To all of you reading this posting, we love you:)

Late-night Conversations

Okay so maybe not late-night but kind of. I sleep during the day so when I refer to "late-night" whatI mean is simply, while I am sleeping or supposed to be asleep.

Yesterday after lunch Catherine and I lied down to cuddle but as usual I fell asleep. Knowing that I was tired, Catherine let me sleep. That was about 3ish and about 7ish Catherine recorded the following conversation:

Me: mumble, mumble, mumble
Catherine: What honey?
Me: mumble, mumble, mumble
Catherine: I'm sorry, what?
Me: (annoyed) You should clean the cardboard.
Catherine: What cardboard?
Me: (more annoyed) Sweetheart, from watching the kids!
Catherine: What kids did we watch?
Me: (my head now lifted up & very annoyed) It's all over the bed, you should clean it up!
Catherine: I'm sorry but there is no cardboard on the bed.
Me: mumble, mumble
Catherine: Oh honey just go to sleep.
Me: mumble, zzzzzz...

-JP

I Have a Confession to Make..

Okay so I don't know if you've ever done anything you feel ashamed of...

Today I went to help a friend move and afterward his wife bought lunch for those who helped. At first I was excited but when I saw what it was I was less than excited. At first I didn't know how to react, "do I smile and accept their kind jesture?" "do I yell at the top of my lungs and run the other way?" I didn't want to offend them but at the same time I didn't want to compromise my principles. In the end I accepted the jesture and went on my way back home.

On the way home I noticed that I hadn't eaten all day and I was growing hungry. Next to me in the car was my friends jesture of kindness calling me by name, "Joseph, I know you're hungry, eat me." I will admit, at first I was like, "heck no," but that didn't last. I stopped at Walmart and when I got back in the car I couldn't resist the temptation anymore. I did it. I ate a cheeseburger from Mickey D's. I know, I shouldn't have but I hadn't eaten in forever and what can I say, I'm imperfect. A few weeks ago I had a coke and now this. I was reluctant to tell Catherine but the guilt was unbearable. In a way I wanted to admit thatI liked it but the thought of admitting it made me feel dirty. Anyway, when I finally told Catherine she laughed. All that for nothing!

I will admit, even though I did enjoy the burger, I won't be giving up my life-long commitment to staying away from McDonalds. Not that I'm on some weird organic trip or against fast food all together; I just don't like McDonalds and I intend to keep it that way.

-JP

Lessons from the Master

I don't know if you ever feel this way but I have often gone between being okay with adversity and being frustrated by it. Lately it seems that the weight of personal struggles have taken their toll on me. Not that life is bad or anything; it's just that the internal struggles were at a peak this week. I read Elder Bednar's entry in this month's Ensign and felt bouyed but some things he shared. He said the following:

"In the classroom of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scritptures describe, "according to the flesh."

Because of recent struggles my mind has welcomed this truth. I don't know why I am called to bare the struggles that are unique to my life. But I do feel something that leads me to believe that one day I will know. I don't think that this will be the end of my frustrations with the occassional battle but I feel better equiped to approach the circumstances. I am encouraged to face those challenges with faith. Deep down I know that there is a reason and it's not because of some sordid joke or vain design. I'm further encouraged by the Master's perfect life notwithstanding the seemingly insurmountable circumstances He faced.

Can you imagine what it must have been like to have your closest friends betray you and deny you? What can we tell the Savior about feeling tired of doing the right thing for people who don't care? What can we teach Him of the pain of loneliness when He alone had to bear the brunt of our bad choices? You might ask why, as I have often asked. Yes, I know, He suffered so that we wouldn't have to. But sometimes those words lose their meaning and I'm left to rediscover what it must have been like for Him. The reality is that He did die for and continues to live for us.

Something about the hunger He felt, something about the betrayal He endured, something about the humiliation He endured as well as the joy He shared with the faithful, prepared Him for the afterlife. I don't know all of the details but I can see the pieces coming together and I'm beginning to see the bigger picture. Likewise, I know that some day I will understand the full consequence and meaning behind my own experiences. It will be a sweet experience and one that I look forward to.

-JP

My Weekend

So this weekend was pretty cool. We had a wonderful stake conference, Catherine made the best lasagna ever (for real) and pretzels, we paid off a lot of our debts, and Gwen got new teeth (pictures will come later, I'm sure). Also, the Winks recently sent us some trail mix and it came in handy this week when I didn't make time to eat before bed. Thanks guys:)

Working the graveyard shift poses interesting problems that I have to deal with. Most people sleep at night and so when I'm out doing stuff, whether that be service or play or whatever, I tend to fall into the trap of thinking I'm on a normal schedule like them. Although I'm getting better I tend to overbook myself and then I remember that I have to work at midnight. This was my Saturday to do list: organize manpower and set up chairs for stake conference, follow up with home teachers to help with moves, play with Gwen, spend time with Catherine, attend leadership meeting, attend adult session of stake conference, find babysitter, eat, shower, oh yeah, sleep before I go back to work at 11:15 p.m.. Needless to say that a lot of that didn't get done. I did help set up chairs, I followed up with HT's, I hugged and kissed my wife and daughter and chatted with them for about 5 seconds, ate some blueberries, showered, and attended the leadership meeting. I did get some sleep before the meeting (3 hrs) but ended up staying home from the adult session so I could sleep some more. I guess that wasn't so bad, we didn't have to find a babysitter and I was refreshed for the general session of conference. Anyway, overall it went better than usual. I'm glad too because the Sunday morning session had a lot to offer and I'm glad I wasn't falling asleep the whole time (that's not to say that Catherine didn't have to tap me on the shoulder a couple of times, I'm human).

Work has been interesting lately, too. I don't know if you've ever heard of employers incorporating a draft for selecting schedules, but on Friday my employer had its annual draft and I got bumped off to the 4-12 shift. Come August I won't be working graveyard anymore. That's good and bad. I'll appreciate leaving the graveyard shift but since I start grad school in September I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull off a job on top of a full load of classes and an internship. I guess I could if I wasn't married, a member of the church, or gave a rats about anything else... The reality is that I probably will end up quiting come September. It's kind of okay, I guess. This last week I started feeling like some of the boys are slipping backwards. I try to work with them but now I feel like their trying to take advantage of my goodness. One of the boys was joking around with me after I had warned them against feeling like I was one of their peers, and I let him know that he wasn't running game on anyone, including me. He stopped but I think they've gotten to comfortable with me so I think I need to step it up and be more aggressive in holding them accountable when they come up short. I'll need to set this pattern before my move to 4-12 when I will be spending 6 of my 8 hours working with them. Anyway, I'll see how it goes this week and keep you posted.

-JP

Figuring Stuff Out

So life has been wonderful. I don't have too many complaints; I mean, it would be great if I wasn't poor but frankly, what's new? I feel like things are just good, you know? I like my job, I love my family, I'm excited about starting school and we have friends. We have become good friends with this family in our ward named the Nydegger's (NY-DEG-GER). They also happen to live in our complex. His name is Jeff and just finished his 2nd year of law school. Erin, his wife, stays busy with their two children and visiting teaching stuff. They're pretty cool. In many ways they remind us of our friends in Rexburg; they're fun, they're active, and they're good to us.

For the last couple of months I've been trying to figure out what to do after getting my MSW. I've spent hours looking into various PhD programs, MBA's, and law schools. Nothing has really resonated with me, so that's been a bummer. I finally found a couple of things that seem cool. I'm interested in the PhD in Public Administration from NYU and I'm really interested in law schools at Penn and Yale. I know what you're thinking, "dang, Yale?" I know, but what have I got to lose? Anyway, the reality is that I don't know what I'll end up doing when I'm done with my MSW. Who knows, I may not even pursue another degree; I know Catherine might appreciate that. I'm giving it about a year before I decide what to do. I figure that after a year of MSW work I'll have a clearer idea of what I want to do. I am considering a few internships with the state legislature and maybe even with some federal legislators. It could be interesting to intern at the attorney general office. I figure since I'm in Austin I might as well take advantage of the opportunities the state capital has to offer.

-JP

Waiting for Dad

Every morning when Gwen wakes up I bring her into my bed where we cuddle and talk as she drinks her milk and I try to wake up. As soon as I get up she plops down and heads for the living room. I then hear her little hands banging on the window of our back door. I open the door for her to the porch where she plays contently as I make breakfast. Since Joseph has begun working the graveyard shift Gwen has figured out that Daddy comes home from outside, and so sure enough every morning she goes out to the porch hoping to see Daddy when he comes home.

Gwen truly is remarkable. She always amazes me at what she understands and her determination to figure something out. Whenever she acts stubborn or undetered despite our "No"s I look at Joseph and say, "That's all you!" Can you blame me? She is completely her father's child - extremely social, outgoing, driven, intelligent all the while being very well mannered (OK so maybe not all of Joseph's genes...). I will admit Joseph is also much more compassionate and controlled with her than I. He often has to remind me that "She is only a baby." No matter how fussy, whiny, or cranky she gets, he always responds with a smile and sweet reassurance that everything is OK. Such love shown to her always pierces my heart as I rock her in my arms each night and sing, 'Love one Another'. The lyrics start, "As I have loved you, love one another." I quickly think of the time I spent with her that day and wonder, 'Did I love her as Christ would love her?' 'Am I showing her the kind of love that I want her to learn?' Such questions have often brought me to tears as I kiss her goodnight and pray that I will have the strength to be and do better tomorrow. Then when I hear her waking the next morning and embrace her I feel a sigh of relief that she is only one day older and the Lord has given me another chance.

I love her. Oh, how I love her!

-CP

Blog Update 2

So I kind of like that I don't have fancy or clever names for my blog entries; it helps conserve the creative juices for the actual entry.

Since I work graveyard I try to sleep during the day some time. Sometimes I sleep in the morning and on other days I sleep in the evenings. Today I didn't sleep and now am starting to feel the pains of trying to muster up the energy to stay awake. Fortunately I was able to study my scriptures without falling asleep:)

This morning Catherine woke me up to go to the park. It was spur of the moment and I ended up picking up breakfast from Chick-Fil-A. When we started our walk at the park I noticed that it had been a while since our last visit and the greenery had grown substantially. The moss in the lake had seemed to grow especially rigorous and reminded me of potential fresh water monsters that could be hiding. I don't know how many people know, but I have this irrational (or maybe not so irrational http://animal.discovery.com/tv/river-monsters/) fear of being in lakes and rivers. Not that the fear has ever stopped me from engaging in outdoor water activities; however, when I do, no joke, it's like the JAWS theme plays over and over in my head and all I can think about is getting out of the water. This experience always goes unnoticed by everyone else but it is ever present in my mind (at least when I'm around water) and I just get over it long enough to have fun and enjoy time with friends. If I have a choice between a river/lake and a pool/waterpark, it's a no-brainer, pool every time:)
-JP

Blog Update

So Catherine and I have been wanting to update our blog but just haven't gotten around to it. Our time together during the day is limited and frankly I don't want spend that time writing a blog. However, Catherine had the idea that I could be in charge of the blog since I work graveyard and don't have anything better to do. I guess she has a point.

So Gwen started walking about 3 weeks ago. When she was only 3 months old my mom had her on her feet trying to walk.. so, naturally, I thought she would be a walking-at-8-months baby. But she wasn't and after 13 months of life my daughter is finally walking, whoo-hoo!!

As you may (or may not) know, I've been working at a residential facility for post-adjudicated youth. That's another way of saying, kids that have been convicted of a crime. The biggest adjustment has been working midnight to eight. It took about a month for my body to adjust but I feel like it's finally working for me. I love working with these kids. Despite their legal issues they're busting out with potential. Sometimes I just want to dropkick a couple of them but for the most part I get along with them and they do what they're asked. I want to do more to help them but I don't know exactly what to do. I'm leaning toward something that focuses on education.. maybe a non-profit or mentor group. President Hinckley said that education is the key to opportunity. I think these boys would benefit from pursuing more education. If I do a mentor group, which is what I'm really thinking, I want to pair adults from a spectrum of professions with kids who have the same professional interests. In other words, if a kid wants to be a doctor or a machanic I would pair him with a doctor or a mechanic so that he could get an idea of what it's like and what it would take to achieve that level of success. I have a friend who is willing to help with the legal paperwork and I figure it might be a good idea to take adnavtage of that while I can. I'll keep everyone posted.

Catherine is doing really well. She tends to stay pretty busy with raising our daughter, taking care of the home, doing her calling and reading books. She recently finished a book about mormon pioneers living in Palmyra. She loved reading the book and couldn't put it down. After that she started reading Camilla Kimball's biography. Right now she's reading excerpts from President Hinckley's biography. I love that she takes an interest in these types of things when so many women around her don't. I mean, to each her own; I'm just glad my wife has interests in learning about these great people.

So, being a social worker isn't the most lucrative profession, especially at the bachelor level. Catherine never ceases to amaze me with the creative ways of saving money. The other day when we sat down for lunch I noticed that we were eating on paper plates. Since I had never seen paper plates in our home I made a comment about them. Catherine explained that, to save money, she pulled out paper plates from the dumpster. I nearly choked as I took the first bite of my sandwhich; she reassured me that there was no need to worry because she had thoruoghly washed and sanitized the plates. Seriously, I know we're strapped but, come on; really, you washed paper plates that you got from the dumpster?!! I don't care how much you sanitized the plates, that's nasty. Anyway, I love my wife and her commitment to save money but I don't want to get ecoli or some other type of germ from eating reused paperplates.

Just joking:) My wife does work to save money and I am genuinely impressed with her creative approach to frugality but even she would never do something like that. However, instead of buying magnetized letters for Gwen to play with, she is making them. Catherine, you're awesome:)

Anyway, that's my blog update. Just a couple of last things: 1) we're getting used to the heat, 2) we have friends now. Life is good:)
-JP

A Tender Mercy (Part 2)

I'm probably breaking some unspoken rule that only wives blog but I thought I'd give this blogging thing a try.

It's been about 2 months since leaving Rexburg and things are starting to look up. I still don't have a job and I'm still not sure I'll be accepted into UT grad school but I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

The love handles that I'd been working on over the holidays have started to decipate thanks to 15 miles a week on the treadmill.

Gwen is starting to walk along the walls and other things she can lean on. Additionally, each day we take a stroll around our empty livingroom hand-in-hand. She's so cautious; I'm often tempted to compel her to take steps but I have to remind myself that, like other milestones, when she's ready she'll walk.

Not having a job has been a real blessing in many ways, one of which has been spending a lot more time with Catherine and Gwen. People have asked, "Are you killing each other yet?" I'm gonna say no. I've really enjoyed my time with these two girls. I recognize that this is an experience that I probably won't have again. Knowing that has made a world of difference in the way I approach my time with them. It will be great when I finally start school or a job but I will always look back at these months with fondness and gratitude.

This week we were invited by the Jones and Thompson families to dinner on Friday and Sunday, respectively. This was not only an answer to an unspoken prayer but in every sense a tender mercy. I don't think people understand what it was like for Catherine and I in Rexburg. It truly was heaven on earth. For the past 2 months I have been missing our friends and the homesicknesses was starting to get to me. When I thought I couldn't bear anymore the Jones and Thompsons invited us over for dinner and games. You can imagine that it wasn't the same; afterall, we've been through a lot with our Rexburg friends but it was as good as could be expected. They were warm and inviting, we had some laughs, we talked a lot, and overall I loved the experiences; like I said, it was a tender mercy. Since Friday night at the Jones I've felt that things will work out and, alas, I can make life outside Rexburg heaven on earth. -JP

"...Dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still... for His arm to be revealed." - Joseph Smith

Tender Mercy

Lately, Joseph and I have been feeling a little overwhelmed by our current transition period into "the real world", currently Joseph is in Austin, Gwen and I are in Boston, and nothing seems to be going according to plan. So tonight after I put Gwen to bed, said goodbye to family and was feeling a little down, I was reminded of the Lord's love and awareness of me through a tender mercy. As I was going online to access Elder Anderson's CES Fireside I noticed a link on lds.org to this month's First Presidency message entitled, "Hold On A Little Longer" by President Uchtdorf. Instantly I felt the love of my Father in Heaven sending a message just for me. I read the talk and was reminded that even through trials we can receive beautiful manifestations that will strengthen our testimonies - we just have to hold on a little longer.

Out of Rexburg..

Well, it's almost been 2 weeks now since we've left Rexburg! I think it finally hit us when we arrived in Long Beach, CA from SLC to make our connecting flight to Boston, and as soon as we sat down I looked over at Joseph and sighed, "I miss the 'Light' of Rexburg." That has led us to reflect and discuss our life at BYU-Idaho and the bittersweetness we feel moving on. Joseph compares it to returning home from a mission - going from a spiritual high to "just blah".

So what have we been up to? Well, only Joseph has managed to put on a few pounds as we try to grasp the concept of doing a whole lot of nothing. It's definitely been an adjustment and we're excited to get going again in Austin (although Joseph did start recruiting for BYU-Idaho at church). In the meantime, it's been good for Joseph and I to spend a lot of time together - eating junk food, watching movies and figuring out where we're going to live when we get to Austin.

Gwen, who turns 9 months tomorrow, has been a great sport about all of the new changes and getting RSV. Meanwhile...Joseph is "studying" for the GRE and I am busy cleaning and organizing my mom's home. Joseph will be flying to DFW this week to set up shop at which point I will follow with Gwen.

As exciting as our life is we ache for our friends in Rexburg. Joseph is experiencing Wackee-Six withdrawls and I'm missing the late night laughs. We hope all of you have a Happy New Year and know that our hearts are with you.