I don't know if you ever feel this way but I have often gone between being okay with adversity and being frustrated by it. Lately it seems that the weight of personal struggles have taken their toll on me. Not that life is bad or anything; it's just that the internal struggles were at a peak this week. I read Elder Bednar's entry in this month's Ensign and felt bouyed but some things he shared. He said the following:
"In the classroom of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scritptures describe, "according to the flesh."
Because of recent struggles my mind has welcomed this truth. I don't know why I am called to bare the struggles that are unique to my life. But I do feel something that leads me to believe that one day I will know. I don't think that this will be the end of my frustrations with the occassional battle but I feel better equiped to approach the circumstances. I am encouraged to face those challenges with faith. Deep down I know that there is a reason and it's not because of some sordid joke or vain design. I'm further encouraged by the Master's perfect life notwithstanding the seemingly insurmountable circumstances He faced.
Can you imagine what it must have been like to have your closest friends betray you and deny you? What can we tell the Savior about feeling tired of doing the right thing for people who don't care? What can we teach Him of the pain of loneliness when He alone had to bear the brunt of our bad choices? You might ask why, as I have often asked. Yes, I know, He suffered so that we wouldn't have to. But sometimes those words lose their meaning and I'm left to rediscover what it must have been like for Him. The reality is that He did die for and continues to live for us.
Something about the hunger He felt, something about the betrayal He endured, something about the humiliation He endured as well as the joy He shared with the faithful, prepared Him for the afterlife. I don't know all of the details but I can see the pieces coming together and I'm beginning to see the bigger picture. Likewise, I know that some day I will understand the full consequence and meaning behind my own experiences. It will be a sweet experience and one that I look forward to.