Okay so I don't know if you've ever done anything you feel ashamed of...
Today I went to help a friend move and afterward his wife bought lunch for those who helped. At first I was excited but when I saw what it was I was less than excited. At first I didn't know how to react, "do I smile and accept their kind jesture?" "do I yell at the top of my lungs and run the other way?" I didn't want to offend them but at the same time I didn't want to compromise my principles. In the end I accepted the jesture and went on my way back home.
On the way home I noticed that I hadn't eaten all day and I was growing hungry. Next to me in the car was my friends jesture of kindness calling me by name, "Joseph, I know you're hungry, eat me." I will admit, at first I was like, "heck no," but that didn't last. I stopped at Walmart and when I got back in the car I couldn't resist the temptation anymore. I did it. I ate a cheeseburger from Mickey D's. I know, I shouldn't have but I hadn't eaten in forever and what can I say, I'm imperfect. A few weeks ago I had a coke and now this. I was reluctant to tell Catherine but the guilt was unbearable. In a way I wanted to admit thatI liked it but the thought of admitting it made me feel dirty. Anyway, when I finally told Catherine she laughed. All that for nothing!
I will admit, even though I did enjoy the burger, I won't be giving up my life-long commitment to staying away from McDonalds. Not that I'm on some weird organic trip or against fast food all together; I just don't like McDonalds and I intend to keep it that way.
-JP
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Lessons from the Master
I don't know if you ever feel this way but I have often gone between being okay with adversity and being frustrated by it. Lately it seems that the weight of personal struggles have taken their toll on me. Not that life is bad or anything; it's just that the internal struggles were at a peak this week. I read Elder Bednar's entry in this month's Ensign and felt bouyed but some things he shared. He said the following:
"In the classroom of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scritptures describe, "according to the flesh."
Because of recent struggles my mind has welcomed this truth. I don't know why I am called to bare the struggles that are unique to my life. But I do feel something that leads me to believe that one day I will know. I don't think that this will be the end of my frustrations with the occassional battle but I feel better equiped to approach the circumstances. I am encouraged to face those challenges with faith. Deep down I know that there is a reason and it's not because of some sordid joke or vain design. I'm further encouraged by the Master's perfect life notwithstanding the seemingly insurmountable circumstances He faced.
Can you imagine what it must have been like to have your closest friends betray you and deny you? What can we tell the Savior about feeling tired of doing the right thing for people who don't care? What can we teach Him of the pain of loneliness when He alone had to bear the brunt of our bad choices? You might ask why, as I have often asked. Yes, I know, He suffered so that we wouldn't have to. But sometimes those words lose their meaning and I'm left to rediscover what it must have been like for Him. The reality is that He did die for and continues to live for us.
Something about the hunger He felt, something about the betrayal He endured, something about the humiliation He endured as well as the joy He shared with the faithful, prepared Him for the afterlife. I don't know all of the details but I can see the pieces coming together and I'm beginning to see the bigger picture. Likewise, I know that some day I will understand the full consequence and meaning behind my own experiences. It will be a sweet experience and one that I look forward to.
-JP
"In the classroom of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scritptures describe, "according to the flesh."
Because of recent struggles my mind has welcomed this truth. I don't know why I am called to bare the struggles that are unique to my life. But I do feel something that leads me to believe that one day I will know. I don't think that this will be the end of my frustrations with the occassional battle but I feel better equiped to approach the circumstances. I am encouraged to face those challenges with faith. Deep down I know that there is a reason and it's not because of some sordid joke or vain design. I'm further encouraged by the Master's perfect life notwithstanding the seemingly insurmountable circumstances He faced.
Can you imagine what it must have been like to have your closest friends betray you and deny you? What can we tell the Savior about feeling tired of doing the right thing for people who don't care? What can we teach Him of the pain of loneliness when He alone had to bear the brunt of our bad choices? You might ask why, as I have often asked. Yes, I know, He suffered so that we wouldn't have to. But sometimes those words lose their meaning and I'm left to rediscover what it must have been like for Him. The reality is that He did die for and continues to live for us.
Something about the hunger He felt, something about the betrayal He endured, something about the humiliation He endured as well as the joy He shared with the faithful, prepared Him for the afterlife. I don't know all of the details but I can see the pieces coming together and I'm beginning to see the bigger picture. Likewise, I know that some day I will understand the full consequence and meaning behind my own experiences. It will be a sweet experience and one that I look forward to.
-JP
Monday, June 7, 2010
My Weekend
So this weekend was pretty cool. We had a wonderful stake conference, Catherine made the best lasagna ever (for real) and pretzels, we paid off a lot of our debts, and Gwen got new teeth (pictures will come later, I'm sure). Also, the Winks recently sent us some trail mix and it came in handy this week when I didn't make time to eat before bed. Thanks guys:)
Working the graveyard shift poses interesting problems that I have to deal with. Most people sleep at night and so when I'm out doing stuff, whether that be service or play or whatever, I tend to fall into the trap of thinking I'm on a normal schedule like them. Although I'm getting better I tend to overbook myself and then I remember that I have to work at midnight. This was my Saturday to do list: organize manpower and set up chairs for stake conference, follow up with home teachers to help with moves, play with Gwen, spend time with Catherine, attend leadership meeting, attend adult session of stake conference, find babysitter, eat, shower, oh yeah, sleep before I go back to work at 11:15 p.m.. Needless to say that a lot of that didn't get done. I did help set up chairs, I followed up with HT's, I hugged and kissed my wife and daughter and chatted with them for about 5 seconds, ate some blueberries, showered, and attended the leadership meeting. I did get some sleep before the meeting (3 hrs) but ended up staying home from the adult session so I could sleep some more. I guess that wasn't so bad, we didn't have to find a babysitter and I was refreshed for the general session of conference. Anyway, overall it went better than usual. I'm glad too because the Sunday morning session had a lot to offer and I'm glad I wasn't falling asleep the whole time (that's not to say that Catherine didn't have to tap me on the shoulder a couple of times, I'm human).
Work has been interesting lately, too. I don't know if you've ever heard of employers incorporating a draft for selecting schedules, but on Friday my employer had its annual draft and I got bumped off to the 4-12 shift. Come August I won't be working graveyard anymore. That's good and bad. I'll appreciate leaving the graveyard shift but since I start grad school in September I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull off a job on top of a full load of classes and an internship. I guess I could if I wasn't married, a member of the church, or gave a rats about anything else... The reality is that I probably will end up quiting come September. It's kind of okay, I guess. This last week I started feeling like some of the boys are slipping backwards. I try to work with them but now I feel like their trying to take advantage of my goodness. One of the boys was joking around with me after I had warned them against feeling like I was one of their peers, and I let him know that he wasn't running game on anyone, including me. He stopped but I think they've gotten to comfortable with me so I think I need to step it up and be more aggressive in holding them accountable when they come up short. I'll need to set this pattern before my move to 4-12 when I will be spending 6 of my 8 hours working with them. Anyway, I'll see how it goes this week and keep you posted.
-JP
Working the graveyard shift poses interesting problems that I have to deal with. Most people sleep at night and so when I'm out doing stuff, whether that be service or play or whatever, I tend to fall into the trap of thinking I'm on a normal schedule like them. Although I'm getting better I tend to overbook myself and then I remember that I have to work at midnight. This was my Saturday to do list: organize manpower and set up chairs for stake conference, follow up with home teachers to help with moves, play with Gwen, spend time with Catherine, attend leadership meeting, attend adult session of stake conference, find babysitter, eat, shower, oh yeah, sleep before I go back to work at 11:15 p.m.. Needless to say that a lot of that didn't get done. I did help set up chairs, I followed up with HT's, I hugged and kissed my wife and daughter and chatted with them for about 5 seconds, ate some blueberries, showered, and attended the leadership meeting. I did get some sleep before the meeting (3 hrs) but ended up staying home from the adult session so I could sleep some more. I guess that wasn't so bad, we didn't have to find a babysitter and I was refreshed for the general session of conference. Anyway, overall it went better than usual. I'm glad too because the Sunday morning session had a lot to offer and I'm glad I wasn't falling asleep the whole time (that's not to say that Catherine didn't have to tap me on the shoulder a couple of times, I'm human).
Work has been interesting lately, too. I don't know if you've ever heard of employers incorporating a draft for selecting schedules, but on Friday my employer had its annual draft and I got bumped off to the 4-12 shift. Come August I won't be working graveyard anymore. That's good and bad. I'll appreciate leaving the graveyard shift but since I start grad school in September I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull off a job on top of a full load of classes and an internship. I guess I could if I wasn't married, a member of the church, or gave a rats about anything else... The reality is that I probably will end up quiting come September. It's kind of okay, I guess. This last week I started feeling like some of the boys are slipping backwards. I try to work with them but now I feel like their trying to take advantage of my goodness. One of the boys was joking around with me after I had warned them against feeling like I was one of their peers, and I let him know that he wasn't running game on anyone, including me. He stopped but I think they've gotten to comfortable with me so I think I need to step it up and be more aggressive in holding them accountable when they come up short. I'll need to set this pattern before my move to 4-12 when I will be spending 6 of my 8 hours working with them. Anyway, I'll see how it goes this week and keep you posted.
-JP
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Figuring Stuff Out
So life has been wonderful. I don't have too many complaints; I mean, it would be great if I wasn't poor but frankly, what's new? I feel like things are just good, you know? I like my job, I love my family, I'm excited about starting school and we have friends. We have become good friends with this family in our ward named the Nydegger's (NY-DEG-GER). They also happen to live in our complex. His name is Jeff and just finished his 2nd year of law school. Erin, his wife, stays busy with their two children and visiting teaching stuff. They're pretty cool. In many ways they remind us of our friends in Rexburg; they're fun, they're active, and they're good to us.
For the last couple of months I've been trying to figure out what to do after getting my MSW. I've spent hours looking into various PhD programs, MBA's, and law schools. Nothing has really resonated with me, so that's been a bummer. I finally found a couple of things that seem cool. I'm interested in the PhD in Public Administration from NYU and I'm really interested in law schools at Penn and Yale. I know what you're thinking, "dang, Yale?" I know, but what have I got to lose? Anyway, the reality is that I don't know what I'll end up doing when I'm done with my MSW. Who knows, I may not even pursue another degree; I know Catherine might appreciate that. I'm giving it about a year before I decide what to do. I figure that after a year of MSW work I'll have a clearer idea of what I want to do. I am considering a few internships with the state legislature and maybe even with some federal legislators. It could be interesting to intern at the attorney general office. I figure since I'm in Austin I might as well take advantage of the opportunities the state capital has to offer.
-JP
For the last couple of months I've been trying to figure out what to do after getting my MSW. I've spent hours looking into various PhD programs, MBA's, and law schools. Nothing has really resonated with me, so that's been a bummer. I finally found a couple of things that seem cool. I'm interested in the PhD in Public Administration from NYU and I'm really interested in law schools at Penn and Yale. I know what you're thinking, "dang, Yale?" I know, but what have I got to lose? Anyway, the reality is that I don't know what I'll end up doing when I'm done with my MSW. Who knows, I may not even pursue another degree; I know Catherine might appreciate that. I'm giving it about a year before I decide what to do. I figure that after a year of MSW work I'll have a clearer idea of what I want to do. I am considering a few internships with the state legislature and maybe even with some federal legislators. It could be interesting to intern at the attorney general office. I figure since I'm in Austin I might as well take advantage of the opportunities the state capital has to offer.
-JP
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